One of the biggest issues that causes our emotions to get out of control is when we feel others are doing us wrong. Especially those toxic relationships that seem to find us! Maybe you’re like me and seem to always have people that are taking advantage of or using you and you don’t understand why!
Well, my hope is that this article will help you see that maybe the fault isn’t only in others, but also in yourself? WAIT! Don’t leave yet! Just hear me out!
I’m not saying there aren’t toxic people out there and I’m not saying that you won’t get hurt by people, however, I am saying you don’t have to let it continue to control you and if you do, then that is of your own fault and you must quit blaming others!
Ouch, I know it hurts! 🙁
Trust me I understand, it hurt me too!
My entire life I’ve gotten upset at toxic people and I never understood why it seemed I would attract the most toxic people on the face of this earth. It would make me feel lonely, depressed and anxious. It was destroying my life! One day I realized that it wasn’t an issue with the toxic people at all, instead it was an issue with me!
1. What Is A Toxic Person?
The first thing we need to understand is the definition of a toxic person. So without giving a formal definition I hope to explain a couple things about toxic people.
First, we need to realize that it’s not the person that is toxic, but their behavior!
Secondly, we need to understand that the only way someone is toxic to us is if we allow them to operate in that behavior!
Wait what?!? Well I mean come on, think about it! If it’s not a person who is toxic but instead it’s their behavior then that means we can can tell them that we view that behavior as unacceptable. We still love them, we still let them know that, but we also let them know that we simply won’t tolerate that particular behavior.
2. What Should I Do Then?
The first thing you need to do is decide whether or not the issue in question is really that big of a monstrosity! There are always going to be behaviors that we don’t like when it comes to those we choose to have relationships with. Is this one worth dealing with or must it change?
Heck, we have behaviors that drive others crazy just as much!
Is the behavior actually toxic or simply annoying? Once you decide it’s a toxic behavior, and quite honestly you’re the only one that can, you need to confront the person about it.
3. How Do I Tell The Difference?
You’re the only one that can decide at the end of the day if a relationship is toxic to you.
Family and friends may be able to help with this and if many of them are telling you it is, then you probably should at least seriously consider examining the relationship.
If the relationship causes you to pull away from other relationships with friends and family it may be toxic.
If the relationship causes you to quit chasing your dreams and only focus on that one person and their dreams, it may be toxic.
If you are fighting with the person all the time, it may be toxic!
4. They’ll Get Upset!
This isn’t an issue with them. This is an issue with you. You are too afraid that if they get mad and stop being your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc. then you’ll be all alone!
People get upset when you point out you don’t like something about them. Wouldn’t you? I don’t know anyone that likes someone bringing up a fault of theirs. Do you? It’s hard to accept. I’m only speaking from my own personal experiences of someone that loves me telling me I’m not all that and a bag of chips. (Where do these sayings come from?!?)
Come on, don’t try to skirt around it. I know, it was my big issue! Let’s just be honest for a moment! If you weren’t so insecure you’d realize that if someone is treating you with toxicity it would be better that they aren’t in your life anyways if they aren’t willing to change or if you’re unable to lower your expectations!
Now again, I want to remind you that there is a difference between a toxic behavior and an annoying behavior and you need to make sure or they may just have every right to get upset at you!
5. I’m Always Getting Upset Because of Toxic People!
Again, this is an issue caused by yourself! If a relationship is constantly upsetting you then you’re allowing it to!
Here are the reasons why you’d be upset from a toxic relationship…
They are performing a toxic behavior that is making you upset!
Did you tell them they were doing it? A lot of times someone does something that we consider to be toxic and we never tell them. Again, this deals with insecurity and your ability to communicate with others. If you never tell someone something is upsetting you, you can’t expect them to know!
Wait, but I did tell them and they aren’t changing it!
Okay, fair enough…but still if that’s happening and you are choosing to continue the relationship is that still not a decision you made? The person is the same person. It’s just your expectations have changed. Because you told them, you now expect them to change something about themselves because you find it unacceptable. But who says they have to? Why can’t you change?
I’m not saying you should change or that you don’t have a right to be upset, but if the relationship is continuing to make you upset and they won’t/can’t change their behavior and you aren’t willing to accept that said behavior then it’s kinda hard for me to feel sympathy for you because you’re getting upset.
Of course, it’s easier said then done to just end a relationship and it may hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to become angry! That’s your choice!
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, toxic people that stick around in your life are there simply because you choose to allow them to be.
If you don’t have the balls to deal with them, then quit crying about it! I mean that with the utmost love and understanding that again that’s easier said then done, however, it’s not about the toxic person!
It’s about your happiness! If a change can’t happen, then maybe it’s time to let go?