Don’t Take it Personal! It’s Them, Not You! – Part One

There’s an emotion I’ve noticed that has been on the rise within the human species. An emotion that if we aren’t able to subdue will, in my opinion, lead to the destruction of the human race! I’m not joking nor am I taking my statement lightly. I understand fully what I’m saying and I truly feel this is something that must be addressed immediately!

What emotion am I talking about? Anger of course! Now before you hit that back button and leave this page I urge you to simply hear me out! By the end of this post you might think I’m crazy or you might just realize the same as I did… that humans are on a course to destroy themselves.

We live in a time where we have the ability to be more connected with those we love because of the power of technology and specifically social media. These wonderful tools have given us the ability to keep in contact and share our lives in greater detail than was ever possible before.

What baffles me is with the tools we now have, we’ve instead become more disconnected in our relationships as a human species. We have become lonely, anxious and depressed in our relationships and never feel fulfilled in them!

And…I think I know why!!! I hope, after reading this post, you will too and that this realization will help us fix the issues our relationships are facing in today’s society!

I Lied. It’s You, Not Them!

maybe-its-youI know, my title has a little lie in it, I opened saying that it’s other people and not yourself that is causing the problem. The truth is, it’s definitely you! But, I have great news! It’s okay!

The first thing you must realize is that you aren’t messed up! You aren’t incapable of having successful relationships, whether with family, friends or romantically! In fact, if you’re willing to continue on with me, I truly believe this post can lead you on a journey that will cause you to have the greatest relationships ever!

The first thing we must realize is that we have become self-centered as individuals. We no longer care for others as we once did. Sure, we may fake it well and think that people don’t realize what’s happening, but the truth is we aren’t fooling anyone!

We harbor resentment and unforgiveness towards others and it’s almost become normal to cut people out of our lives at the drop of a hat. All in the name of protecting ourselves and our emotions! Instead, what we’ve failed to realize is that the only way we can be hurt is when someone doesn’t live up to the expectations we lay out for them.

Think about it for a second…did you actually stop and think about that last statement? No worries, I’ll wait. Think!

If we set expectations for our relationships the moment those expectations are not met we begin a downward spiral in that relationship because we start feeling that that person doesn’t care for us the way we do them! Maybe we start thinking we are doing more in the relationship and the other person isn’t meeting us halfway? We harbor these negative feelings towards that person which if not dealt with will lead to the destruction of said relationship.

People Are Messy!

messy-peopleWe are so quick to forget that people, including ourselves, are messy! We make a shit ton of mistakes ourselves, but are quick to forget those mistakes when dealing with others. We are quick to jump on others for not being at the level we think they should be at!

We all make mistakes, a lot of them! People will hurt you! In fact, if you think about it, it’s the people we are most close to that end up hurting us the worse! Why’s that? Because our expectations are higher for people we care about! It’s really that simple! If a random person on the street called you a whore for example, you’d probably get upset for a minute or two, maybe even cuss them out, but then you’d move on. If one of your best friends did it, you’d be hurt by it at a much deeper level!

This doesn’t mean that we should let anyone talk bad or do whatever they want to us, but I do think it’s important to realize that people will be people. People will hurt you! How you react is what determines the type of person you are and your character! No one else can define your character. No one else can force your actions. That, my friends, is a choice each of us make of our own free will!

Also, by realizing constantly that we hurt people we love by not living up to their expectations it allows us to remember that sometimes people just aren’t able to live up to ours. Not because they’re bad people, but because they are in a different place than you and their expectations in a relationship may be different than yours!

Again, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship this is different than what I’m speaking of. You should end those relationships and move on, however, you shouldn’t hold resentment towards that person or unforgiveness.

Why you ask?

The Issue With Resentment and Unforgiveness!

540_293_resize_20130901_6aeee9475fe7b8f6f3d4e1b81645a998_jpgThere is a huge issue that surfaces when we allow resentment and unforgiveness to run rampant in our society. We lose trust in people. We become cynical of others and only allows ourselves to see the bad in others. We start to hate humanity thinking people are always out to hurt us instead of realizing that we are all humans trying to deal and control our CRAZY emotions!

The worst part is at the end of the day the only person that is affected by these emotions are ourselves. In fact, most of the time the person we are upset at doesn’t even realize we are upset or disappointed in a relationship because we convince ourselves that if they cared they’d realize something was wrong! When they don’t, it only adds fuel to the fire!

We forget people aren’t mind readers!

How Can We Fix It?

0875c5ff4310855ed2fe080e46470e9aThe first thing we must do is realize that anger, resentment and unforgiveness are simply feelings. Feelings caused by our own mind telling us something isn’t quite right. Instead of looking at them as a bad thing, we need to see the positive in these emotions.

Once we realize this, we are then able to make a decision. We can become upset, hurt, angry, unforgiving and resentful ending the relationship, curse the person out or even become physical with the person or we can make a choice to become understanding, forgiving, uplifting and caring. We can choose the action and path we take in dealing with our emotions.

Instead of screaming, hitting or ending a relationship we can realize that if we are feeling those emotions we can instead confront and speak with the person not in a desire to get our way, but in a desire to strengthen the relationship! The above emotions, no matter how bad they make you feel can have a positive impact on your relationship!

Part Two!

I’m not a huge fan of writing my articles in parts, however, I believe most people’s attention spans fade quickly when it comes to reading longer articles. I also believe this subject is something of extreme importance and I want everyone that’s willing to read the entire series.

In part two of this series, I’ll go a little more in depth discussing the common misconceptions we have in relationships and how to truly shift our mindset so that our relationships can grow and flourish. If you haven’t already liked our facebook page, make sure you do so you’ll know when the next post goes live!

I promise you it’ll be worth it! While you wait, digest the information I’ve already given and reflect on it! If you truly understand and grasp what I’m trying to convey in these articles I truly believe it can be a life changing moment!

Until next time, may your relationships teach and inspire you to care more deeply about those around you!

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